Spiritual Distress and Forgiveness

Spiritual Distress and Forgiveness—The Role of the FCN

Submitted by Sondra Weinzierl MA, Faith Community Nurse

June 1, 2026

 Spiritual Distress and Forgiveness—The Role of the FCN

“Spiritual Distress” is one of the nursing diagnoses FCNs often identify. And issues with forgiveness can be a frequent cause of spiritual distress. In fact, in surveys asking older adults to name their greatest concerns about dying, “forgiveness” was ranked as the most significant concern. Older adults were worried about, “Not being forgiven by God; not reconciling with others; not being forgiven by someone for a wrongdoing.” 

People of all ages can experience Issues with forgiveness. As an FCN, I’ve worked with a woman who could not forgive herself for having an abortion earlier in life , a man who could not forgive himself for having an extramarital affair; parents who could not forgive a child; and many others who could not “forgive God” because of tragedies in their lives.

How can FCNs provide intentional spiritual care when forgiveness is causing distress?

Here are some things to avoid doing:

1. Don’t tell them they “have to forgive” or they won’t be saved. (I once had a pastor tell a church member this.) Remember, we can’t force someone to forgive or feel forgiven.
2. Don’t shame or blame them for their emotions or their struggle with forgiveness.
3. Don’t tell them to “forgive and forget.” It’s not always advisable to forget.
4. Don’t use cliches: “Time heals all wounds.” “Only the weak can’t forgive.”
5. Don’t discount their anger. Instead, validate their anger and hurt. This is part of the process of forgiveness. Suppressing the anger and hurt can delay the process.

How can FCNs help?

·      It’s important for FCNs to explore our own journey with forgiveness. Have we been able to forgive ourselves and others? While we should not share our own stories with clients, its important to do some self-reflection and spiritual development.

·      Our training in therapeutic communication, especially our listening skills, can be important interventions. When we listen for the soul, when we accept the person as they “are,” we let them know that they are valued children of God…no matter what.

• When appropriate, we can assure persons of God’s unconditional love and promise of forgiveness. (Some people may not be ready for this right away.) We can empathize with their pain and listen without judgment or blame.
• We can offer scripture, prayer, and touch as appropriate. We can remind them of the beliefs of their faith related to the grace and mercy of God.
• We can ask if there is something the person wants to do to repair a relationship and help facilitate that process if the person is willing. 
• We can help them set boundaries with those who have hurt them.
• We can encourage empathy for others and realize that mistakes are human.
• We can refer them (with permission) to a spiritual leader or, when appropriate, a clinical therapist who could help them forgive themselves or others.

In my practice, many people came to me with issues of forgiveness but were unwilling to share their story with the spiritual leader. When persons are unable to forgive themselves for a wrongdoing, they may feel too embarrassed to talk with clergy. Our nursing therapeutic communication techniques and our spiritual care can help others articulate their feelings. This, in turn, can lead to healing, exploring different perspectives, clarifying emotions and making progress toward forgiveness of self and others.  This process is gradual and requires patience and compassion.